Confusion: Observing the Perfect Soldier
by Agent Midnight
Summary: *snicker* semi-pet peeve fic. Duo observes Heero's odd, odd behaviors. Very strange. ^_^


Observation #1: Morning procedures.  
  
Allowing a scream to pass from my parched throat, I kick my legs out to search for the warm body next to mine. The only thing I accomplish from my childish violence is to force the blankets and half the pillows off the bed, leaving me frozen in the chilly bedroom. Cold air hits my bare legs, goosebumps raising on my flesh until I jerk up into a sitting position and rub some warmth back into my system.  
  
He stares at me from his desk, his eyes flashing briefly with that dry amusement he's known for. What really cranks me off is the fact that the bastard is indeed up, and allowed the alarm clock to continue screaming throughout the room. Taking a quick peek at the said offending object, I nearly pick it up and throw it at Heero's head but stop when I see the flashing numbers displayed on the screen: 2:15 A.M.? Who the Hell wakes up at 2:15 in the goddamned morning?  
  
O'Holy Insane One, like I mentioned, sits at his desk... watching me as anger starts to make a brutal appearance.  
  
The alarm clock lets out a little jingle as I slam my hand on the off button, the room falling into delicate silence once again.  
  
"You're going to wake the others, you fuck. Next time, turn it off."  
  
He gracefully stands up, his nightshirt straightening back out and caressing the top of his black pajama bottoms. I glare at him as he goes to the dresser, pulling out jeans and a tanktop, then makes his merry way to the bathroom. This time, I can't stop myself. I look past the alarm clock (bastard didn't deserve that kind of damage to his fucked up mind), so I pick my poison off the nightstand and chunk it across the room.  
  
Score!  
  
One of his hands brings itself to rest on the back of his head, then he turns and looks to the floor, staring wide-eyed at the magazine clip with something that appeared to be shock. His eyes lift to meet mine and he sneers, but I know he isn't too angry when his gaze slides down my body to stop on my uncovered legs.  
  
I bring my hand down to where his eyes are locked and snap my fingers, his eyes lifting again to meet mine.  
  
"I'm taking a shower."  
  
He steps onto the bathroom tile and shuts the door. A split second later, the door opens again and he steps out, fully dressed and toweling his hair dry.  
  
What the fuck?  
  
Observation #2: Breakfast.  
  
I, being the best friend figure, kindly pour the bastard a bowl of cereal as he sits at the dining room table, a leash hooked onto his wrist. I follow the path of the leash with my eyes and see his laptop resting on the floor by his feet. When his cereal bowl is filled up, I add the milk and turn to put it back into its proper place in the cabinet.  
  
I put the milk back into the fridge and turn back to the table, stopping with a poptart halfway in my mouth.  
  
The dining room table is empty, the tablecloth off and folded, having been placed on the chair by the pantry.  
  
Laptop is gone from the room, Heero and all.   
  
His cereal bowl is sitting in the wash rack next to sink, clean and dried off.  
  
Observation #3: Hobbies.  
  
"Duo, I'm bored."  
  
Cricket.  
  
"Duo, I'm bored."  
  
Did Heero just say that?  
  
"Duo, I'm bored."  
  
Yup. Said it, alright.  
  
"Duo, I'm bored."  
  
I can see why he finds me so annoying. God.  
  
"Duo, I-"  
  
"-Ok, ok!! Shut up!"  
  
"D-"  
  
"Write a story or something, Christ!"  
  
"Fine."  
  
A moment later, he clears his throat and I turn away from the telelvision, gaping when he drops a stack of printed papers onto the couch next to me. I stare at the top page, feeling my sanity slowly beginning to slip away as I read the black lettering on the front.  
  
"Analyzing the Heavens: A Study on Life-- By Heero Yuy."  
  
"It's a little rough." He says; Oh, so calm! "I'm still bored, though."  
  
A little laugh passes out of my lips, as he strolls towards the hallway.  
  
"And... Duo?"  
  
I tear my gaze away to look at him.  
  
"My name's Heero... not Christ. Don't know how you got us mixed up."  
  
Observation #4: Laundry day.  
  
"Duo, I'm going to go do laundry. If you want something done, you better come down before I put my clothes in."  
  
As he leaves the room, I lift my arm and sniff my sleeve, cringing slightly.  
  
Ok. Better do laundry.  
  
Forcing myself to my feet, I stroll into the bathroom and head to the clothes hamper in the corner. I, of course, have to pause to flirt with myself in the mirror, then I'm at the hamper and opening the wicker lid.  
  
"Gods!!"  
  
My ass connects with the bathroom tile, and I yelp in pain.  
  
Heero peeks his head out of the small hamper, lifting a green tanktop.  
  
"Forgot these."  
  
The lid closes as he pops back in, and I scramble to my feet, throwing the lid open again and slamming my hands into the pile of clothes until I touch the bottom of the hamper.  
  
Laundry can wait.  
  
I need a nap.  
  
Observation #5: After-dinner clean-up.  
  
Heero and I lean against the counter as we look at the mess created at the dinner table. He offers me an apologetic glance as he shrugs, telling me it's not either of our faults we had the guys over for dinner.  
  
"Well, let's get cleaning, then." I turn to get a washcloth off the towel rack, and turn back, already knowing what I would see.  
  
Heero places the final plate in the cleaning rack, turning back to the now-clean table and smiling to himself.  
  
"Bed, then."  
  
Observation #6: Bedtime procedures.  
  
I plop on the soft covers of our bed as he rustles around the room, shuffling back and forth to get the nervousness out of his system. He smiles at me, snags his pajamas off the wooden chair at his desk, and the enters the bathroom.  
  
I close my eyes for a second, and when I open them he's standing at his side of the bed, placing his wrist watch on his nightstand. Fully dressed and ready for bed, he climbs in beside me and wraps his warm arms around my body.  
  
I'd say this behavior will last two years before I completely snap and drift into insanity.  
  
I just don't get this guy.   
  
One day, Science will discover how he does this shit. 


End file.
